Sunday, September 14, 2008

10 percent fun!

Today was an ENORMOUS increase in fun. As you can see by reading the title of this entry, I have moved from 3 percent fun to 10 percent fun. That's a 7 percent net increase... IN ONE DAY! This is definitely the biggest increase yet, and probably the biggest increase that will ever happen at once. So soak it up.

Here is a breakdown of things that contributed to today's increase in fun:

My outfit was neon. I know this sounds like a small thing, but it was REALLY neon. It was "look at me, also I look kind of fat because that is how neon this outfit is" neon. And then I wore a SIDE PONYTAIL for BASICALLY most of the day. Then on Magazine Street a man with a scruffstache said to me, "You look like a McDonald's commercial from the '80s." And I said, "Awesome!" (0.5 points)

I learned about reading and met Krista Markert's husband. This is how Krista and her husband (Alex) met: at band camp. !!!. Who actually meets their husband at band camp? There were a lot more adorable aspects to this story, but mostly the part where they said, in unison, that they spent some nights together in "not Paris" right before they got back together. When you have been together for a long time, the "how-we-met" story becomes a choreographed dance. (1.2 points)

I had a margarita in the afternoon. (o.3 points)

I saw more than 10 lizards.
The winner of the Best Lizard of the Day Award goes to Lizard-Outside-Blockbuster-Video, who was the greenest lizard I've ever seen. He darted on top of a leaf when I saw him and gave me this look that was like, "HA! Now you can't see me! Because I'm green and this leaf is ALSO green. So go away." (0.5 points)

Nadim called me. This is a photo of Nadim. I am biting his shoulder. He obviously liked it.

Facts about Nadim: He is a comic book enthusiast (and so am I); He is a Lil Wayne enthusiast (and so is the city of New Orleans); He works for Barack Obama (and so does BARACK OBAMA ). This was a funny conversation we had. If Nadim wasn't so hip (see left) and enthusiastic about all the right things, the conversation might have even decreased my funness percentage, because there was a lot of gossip involved. But then there was a sobby, laughy, emotion-fit thing that I thought was very fun. Plus it was kind of like breathing the air from Chicago. Which is obviously fun. I also talked on the phone to Ariana Rampy, and to my grandmother, and to... well I guess that was it. But anyway, I'm great at the phone. (1 point)

I desperately need to tell you about the alligator museum. It is essentially just one very large room full of a large collection of alligator things that some man has collected in his lifetime. Its very existence -- in what looks like the perfect location for an antique shop on Magazine Street -- is offbeat and unexpected, but the contents of the museum are the truly incredible. Highlights:
  • The shelf of "Malformed" alligator heads. These are essentially mutant gators whose mothers must have consumed too much algae or something. They have bulgy eyes and slanted jaws and twisted teeth -- the works. This appealed both to my paranormal side and to my gator-loving side. Win-win.
  • The back room in general, which from what I could tell was an unfinished VooDoo backlot of the weirdest alligator stuff ever created. For example, there was a taxidermy duck with its head cut off and a gator head in its place. There was also a carousel horse which likewise had been beheaded and gatorified.
  • The case of random Florida gator souvenirs. My favorite was a tiny wooden box with a tiny plastic alligator inside with the words, This is the alligator I caught you in "Florida." Quotation marks around "Florida."
  • The movie memorabilia from the film "Alligator People," which looks like the greatest movie ever. It's about a man who has a failed medical procedure which turns him into an alligator mutant. From what I can tell it's just that one man, so I don't know why it's called "Alligator PEOPLE," but I'll Netflix it and let you know.
  • Huge-ass fake alligators that the admissions woman swore were real but were clearly not real.
I also made friends with the admissions woman, which gives me bonus points here. She really, really wanted to talk. I think this is because she has to spend her entire day in The Alligator Museum, where no one EVER goes in, even with the dirt-cheap $2 cost of admission. Girl's desperate for some company. (3.3 points)

I bought a Halloween costume base. But you're just going to have to wait and see... (0.2 points)

Tomorrow I teach. I'm actually terrified about this transition, since it's been a while and I'm worried any rapport I had with my kids has now utterly evaporated and I'll go back to being the "pregnant ho" I was during week one. Also I completely lost my Everything-I've-Done-All-Year-At-School file. I'm not surprised about this, but it certainly makes life more challenging. I got kind of excited today about creating a phonics program for the student I work with in a self-contained setting during 5th block, but I'm not sure I'll be able to implement it effectively. Oh well: Chin up, balls out, forward, forward, forward...


Andrew said...

balls OUT.

Nadim D said...

I didn't know this blog existed! I feel like WHOAH. I'm very much excited about it and have been reading all these entries instead of getting real life drunk. I'm getting Internet drunk off of you Sophie.